finding hope — Writing — Karen Katulka

Anyone know what day it is? Me either. I heard yesterday was the first day of 2023. I was reminded by a friend’s text that she sent to me and another, “Walk today?”

And I more or less said, “No.”

Further explaining it was because I had just eaten a mountain of french toast casserole and was snuggling with my tween.

“But it’s tradition.”

Shoot. She was right. It was New Years Day and for the last few years we had taken our walk to hash out the holiday experience and offer up some form of hopes and dreams for 2023.

All that to say, like me, perhaps you missed the first day of the new year, shrugged your shoulders to starting new resolutions and vowed to simply survive another year.

Before you do, I had a novel idea:

WHAT IF WE DIDN’T JUST SURVIVE THIS YEAR.

The theme of “surviving not thriving” has been so ingrained into our culture that it’s become very good for our weary souls to not have hopes and dreams for the days before us. But it’s made sense. We were whacked in the face with a pandemic that required our fullest attention, and God knows, between face masks, fears and social distancing, the only thing we had left to offer was survival.

And survive, we did.

But what we’re still holding on to a dead weight of the years behind us as a crutch to not embrace the here and now.

LOOKING BACKWARDS TO CREATE A BETTER FORWARD

I’m 41 years old. How old are you? Do you describe yourself as a processor? Avoider? People pleaser? Instigator? Do you pride yourself in how well you walk through life? Do you wish you could just relax in social settings? Do you wonder how cheese is made?

However you answered any of those above questions, my next one may take a little longer for you to answer.

How long have you been this way?

We live in a world of personality tests and enneagram assessments that help you consider who you are and why you are that way.

But, sometimes I wonder if you could just take a few moments to plot your life on a line graph (yes, in the nerdiest sense ever), would you find that your plot line has remained very consistent since, say, you were eight years old?

this is not a line graph of someone’s actual life. just a visual, mmmkay?

Anyone else have memories of tearing through a forgotten closet in the basement just in case your lost homework had somehow made it in there?

Anxiety, for instance, has been on my plot line for as long as I remember.

No specific trigger, just ever-present. When I finally put a name to it — I was 23 years old. I was relieved to hear what that gnawing burst of fireworks that exploded them simmered in my gut was called.
But, that’s just me.

What’s your thing? Any memories from your teenage years that you can see still present in your adult years? I’m not trying to dig up old bones for you, just curious if you’re willing to be aware or open to the idea that some of the tough parts about you have been there for quite some time.

I do think that the point of looking backward is for the sake of a better forward. (Like I don’t WANT to look back to fourth grade when my friends called me from a sleepover that I wasn’t invited to, but it sadly helps me identify the trigger in my adult years when I know everyone’s getting together without me. Well, maybe not everyone. My husband’s home, too.)

But, for you, looking back might mean that your OCD (maybe??) has made you always walk out the same door that you walked in — even if there’s a closer exit. Or made you brag to anyone who will listen about your accomplishments, financial status, or high level of education because you were raised in a home without a lot of money. Maybe you scan rooms and relationships like a hawk for the neediest person so you can help them — believing that your worth is only found in helping others.

I’m just saying — is there anything on your line graph that’s been consistent for years?

If so, great. If not, great.

NEW GOAL FOR 2023: DON’T SURVIVE

I only mention looking in the backseat of your life as a starting point for your 2023. It’s very easy to chalk life up to “survival mode” and set it on coast. It’s easy to stay busy, pack our calendars full of activities and events, because we don’t want to feel the sting of what life feels like with an empty schedule.

Maybe it's my easy morning read of Codependent No More talking, but what if you released the control of the new year -- the forcing of events and new activities into your schedule -- and released it all into the wild.

And made some space for the unknown.

For the world (or, for those of us who believe, God) to pursue you, meeting you right where you are -- doing whatever is best for you, your family, your sanity, your soul.

And maybe it's the Dude Perfect (that's been on repeat in my house for the last 967 hours) talking, but what if you attempted a new trick shot in 2023.

Went for something you never have.

Made space for nothing to happen.

Opened your eyes to your here and now (not your tomorrow or future).

Genuinely pursued the people in your life with grace, love, and hope. The few people around your table. The ones a phone call away.

The funny thing about Dude Perfect is that for every trick shot they make-- it would appear they miss just as many.

I don't know.

Maybe life isn't as long as we think it's going to be.

Maybe there's more to this year than losing weight or keeping up with the joneses.

Maybe, just maybe, this year, we opt not to survive.

But to make room to thrive.

Who knows. Might be better than we imagine.

——————————-
Disclaimers:

FOR ALL Y’ALL IN THE BACK WITH THE SMALL KIDS:
DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. You don’t have time to process just yet. Just get those diapers changed and meals cut up real small.

FOR EVERYONE ELSE:
Maybe this year, don’t try to survive.
Maybe this year, go for the ultimate trick shot — live life with everything you’ve got.