Something to consider

I’m usually a hit or miss at your dinner party. Occasionally, I bring a decent charcuterie board and some laughs that make for good ice breakers, but other times I bring a half-eaten bag of Doritos, four kids, and hard questions that no one wants to answer — I call them soul questions. Turns out, for the most part, no one really wants to answer my soul questions when they’re getting together for some laughs. Who knew?

But, occasionally, I get someone to humor me and share their answer to my most favorite soul question of them all: what’s your greatest fear (yep. now you know why I’m a buzz-kill).

The only reason I like soul questions is because if we’re having dinner, we’re at least that far into the friendship that we’ve been–at the very least–drawn to the superficial side of one another. We’ve connected somehow through our kids, their activities, our own commitments, work interests or more. But not often do we lead with — ‘Sup, new friend? My name’s Connor, I have three kids, work in IT, and fear that I’ll never meet my real mother.”

As much as I’d like people to lead with their quick yet deep identity, it’s not usually how it goes. And while this piece isn’t necessarily about your biggest fear or mine, I do think it’s worth taking a moment to process our interior selves in the midst of such an exterior-driven world.

A common fear I think we all share stems from a similar issue that plays itself out in different ways. Anxiety, apathy, addictions, hyper-focus on success, indifference toward relationships, over-analyzing, over-exercising, exhaustion, fomo — could possibly stem from a rocky foundation formed from the same issue — not knowing your purpose. Asking yourself what were you sent here for? Did God have a purpose for you that somehow you’ve missed? When we lose sight of our purpose — we begin to set our sights on less-important things.

When we lose sight of our purpose we start noticing other people’s habits, successes, failures, and start inching their stories into the centers of our own world.

Your successes becomes my failures.

I fully believe when we have our purpose on lock, your success doesn’t rock me so hard. When your purpose is in focus, your success is not my failure. And at the risk of this reading more like my journal than a public blog, I want to share something that I call ‘taking inventory’ — and it’s in the answers to these questions that you, me, we start to learn that our purpose is already set in stone.

It’s simply something to consider. A guide to help you morph your own analysis — using your own story to answer the questions.

Uncreatively called my SIX H ONE P — where you are in each one of these categories?

SIX H | Husband, heart, home, habits, head, health

MY HUSBAND (for the hubbies reading, you can exchange this for: MY HOT WIFE): If you’re married, how are you doing with your husband? Chris and I are looking at 15 years this November, and it’s easy to not do deep dives anymore into how I am impacting our marriage. What can I change? How can I serve better? (This isn’t a time to rant on your hubby, it’s a time to consider what you can do to encourage, support, express gratitude, etc.)

MY HEART: For me, this means my children, the people I love. I used to refer to my four kids as the clump. We ate the same things, we watched the same things, did the same activities, or did nothing at all. But the clump stayed together when they were young. Now, my heart is divided into individual spaces that are filled with their individual personalities and needs. It’s here where I investigate how well or not well I am loving others. This is where I try to acknowledge and shake loose of any laziness or selfishness.

MY HOME: How your home is run is very important. Our home is full of chaos and hugs. I often bring the stress to the table and, like at many a dinner party, can be the buzzkill with my requests for my kids to say, put away their dishes. But, it’s my home where I ponder: can I be a peacemaker? Where can I better establish order? What can I do to reduce the chaos?

MY HABITS: At 42 years-old, your habits are pretty well locked in. I definitely see people who start new goals, break old habits, so it’s definitely possible. But, for the most part, at least for me, my habits are pretty securely in place. My intake - the foods, drinks, medications, social media, topics I discuss, attitudes I use toward others. Pretty habitual at this point. If you don’t take inventory and analyze their impact on you, on others, they can be relentless. Social media versus reading. Working out versus sitting it out. Getting sleep, reducing unhealthy habits. Taking inventory here could start by taking a look at your schedule day in and day out. Is it all good?

MY HEAD: Oof. This one needs a police man, a hall monitor or crossing guard of some kind. What are you thinking about? What do you dwell on? What are you hopes, your dreams, your thoughts and thought patterns that drive you? This can be positive or negative. Where does your mind drift when you’re driving? In the shower? When someone cuts you off? Your head (mind) is a great place to linger…. what are you telling yourself? What do you fill your mind with?

MY HEALTH: At 42 years old, this could also be hormones. 🤪 I’ve had a chipped tooth for over a year, overdue on my annual check up and have only had one mammogram. I’ve overlooked my health now for quite some time. Thankfully, my day-to-day health is generally good all things considered. But under the surface, how is your health? Gut health, fitness, fresh air, vitamin D. Do you consider it? Do you prioritize it? Should we? — Something to consider.

Leading us to the ONE P —

HIS PURPOSE: It’s in the answers to these questions that I think we find our purpose. And hopefully you’re tracking with me enough to see that the look into “MY” self should ultimately be guided by HIS purpose.

I don’t think our purpose has to be super complicated.

Maybe it’s just to love and serve others well and tell them about Jesus.

But nailing it down, looking into the 6 H’s should lead and be alignment with the 1 P.

If it’s too much to ponder all of it — perhaps today you just take one.

Perhaps today you just just ponder how you can serve your husband better, or be a peacemaker at home or at work, or how you can change a negative habit and replace it with a better one.

If blogs like these are overwhelming to you, or you’re wondering who in the world I think I am to write something so focused, and believe me, I agree. I should probably just delete. But for now, let’s keep it up, and ponder a part of it. Especially for those of us who have looked at others around us and wondered why our purpose seems less clear. Let’s just sit with it a while.

Like my son’s memory verse from last week, wherever this post finds you, as we ponder, we can sit in the presence of the Lord (who wants us to!) and say:

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Let me know what you learn.