An Attention-Seeking Headline Goes Here

I went on an online search recently for the moms who are posting on a regular basis with bags in their eyes — from a messy dining room — from a home with a modest floor plan and a train running through the backyard.

Instead, I found mom blogs and bloggers who knew they were pretty enough to show their face and their backdrop was tidied enough that they wouldn’t feel judged (or be judged).

And then I had my A-HA moment. The one that Oprah coined as a phrase years ago to be used when one realizes something that was right in front of their face. It’s taken me a few years to realize the blogger I’m looking for is me and the content that I’m seeking to find is actually the content in my head.

So, I’m holding back no more. Shoot, I’m 41 years old nearly half dead. If I keep putting off writing what I want or asking the questions that I have, I will find myself looking back on seasons of regrets instead of flourishings. So, today I am going to start asking the questions to other moms that I always assume are just my issues. Once this series is over — I will take my findings to a counselor and we will tally up if i’m a) HUMAN or b) need more meds.

OK - QUESTION ONE. This one is a newer question. One that in my entire life (41 years) of living or in my entire life of raising children (11 years) I have never had to ask. But for the past 9 days, I often wondered but feel funny asking: how many moms out there have hermit crabs loose in their basements today?

Now, for those who have had hermit crabs loose in their basements — I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking — Oh Karen! You need to blah blah blah. You need to set a trap, get a dog, burn your house down, cry. But, honestly, this question is more for the moms who RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK have a 4-legged creature with a decorated shell from “down the shore” traipsing through the basement like it owns the place. And to that mom, and that mom only, I was also wondering — have you had trouble understanding how in the world it got out? I mean sure, the lid was cracked BUT the cap of food we had in there also fell out — crab food everywhere — but everything else was in tact inside the cage.

OK, FINE. We found the hermit crab alive! In the bottom of my daughter’s rain boot. But would go on to die a few days later apparently from inhaling a plant-based cleaning spray we used to clean near the cage. Who knows.

TO BE CONTINUED.